Monday, March 8, 2021

Happy Homemaker Monday





Hello and Happy Monday my dear Friends


First of all, I wanted to thank you all so much for your heartfelt words of support and the prayers you have shared....both here and behind the scenes. I have felt them all go straight to my heart and they have given me such strength and healing. ❤️  I will share a little more about things, but then I will be moving on and not giving the negativity of this topic anymore time on this space that I enjoy so much. It has felt empowering to finally share my truth (stand up for myself in a way) and to feel the warmth of love and support.

It has continued to be difficult. Especially to see the kids express their disgust and disappointment in their Dad, and continue to distance from him in many ways. That they hurt by choices that he has made over them.  I had protected them, especially Annie, for a long time and fought so hard to help Ad. But now that she is obviously aware  it's so sad to see her heart broken by a guy, when she hasn't even started dating yet. 😢 To have that guy be her Dad is incredibly hard to witness. And it's frustrating to know if he'd just made healthier choices, or had a different person in his life, this would all be different. Or that he'd even just been honest, as he still isn't owning anything about what is real in his life. I think even with himself. It is truly so sad. 

When I was worrying and caring about him and buying into his manipulations of how lonely he was and hating his life - he would also say things about how I'll never be able to help him. He has said so many times, "You can't save me. I wrecked everything and now I'm living the life I deserve".   It's all just so heartbreaking knowing he's still unhappy...but won't forgive himself enough to rise above this life he's chosen. As a recent thing Aaron saw on social media and sent me says 'A man would rather start a billion dollar company than go to therapy'  - sad but true. And now he's losing his kids more and more because of it.  They have seen messages that his gf has sent me, calling me old and fat and other mature things that I tell them amuse me and I just accept as badges of honor. I'm sure that is all a 20-something person sees when they look at 49 year old me. I've earned these wrinkles and this body creating a family with the man who was my best friend and partner for nearly 30 years. And dealing with the stress of caring for his Mom for many years and worrying about him.  And I would make the same choices all again for the blessings I have that far outweigh the pain. The saddest part is knowing Ad's current choices aren't bringing him blessings, as the kids have said they see he's still a very unhappy man. I have told them we will all just need time and reassured them that it's okay to take as much time and space as they need from their dad. I keep telling them I believe their Dad loves them and to keep praying for his healing and eyes to be opened to them. I have been doting on the kiddos, but the sweetest thing is they have been worrying so much about me. They have been extra loving and helping me around the house and snuggling me and we have had some great heart to hearts. I adore them so much, but I want to be the strong one for them. So I have started back to therapy. I saw a therapist during our marriage problems and it helped me so much to have outside perspective and guidance.  I hope taking these steps will help me find the peace I want for us all, and to find constructive ways to heal and move forward. I just keep reassuring the kids that I'm always here for them and that they will always be my priority. Ad continues to fulfill his obligations to us and I am always grateful for that. 
Thank you so much for your kindness and understanding Friends. I ask for continued prayers for peace and healing for our family. 

In the midst of all of this I have been working for some time on finding my future path. I have done a lot of research (& prayer) about where I want to focus my time and energy to serve others and I have finally found it!! I begin classes in a month! I feel absolutely called to this (thank you Lord!) and I'm so excited. I will be working to get a certification in becoming an end of life doula. I was a social worker in long term care for many years and dealt a lot with end of life. And I have volunteered for the past 3 years in hospice through a local organization, but this certification will give me even more tools to assist with easing physical pain, advocating for the patient, and counseling of family. It will also allow me to be in private practice. I feel such joy and excitement to find this path I believe is meant for me! 😊🙏 

Thank you again for generously allowing me to share my pain in these past few weeks. I believe that just like Spring to come - new life is ahead. As the saying goes "may the flowers remind us why the rain was so necessary"  

Wishing you all a wonderful week ahead 🌸 


 


 

 





THE WEATHER OUTSIDE IS:



we have been getting some great weather and it's been wonderful ☀️ 

























ON THE BREAKFAST PLATE THIS MORNING

piece of lefse, fruit, coffee























HOW I AM FEELING THIS MORNING:

Feeling like the sunshine - bright and beautiful and ready to shine on the days ahead 😊 












ON MY MIND:

It may sound crazy but actually dating is because I was asked out recently.  Even though I declined, it got me thinking about not giving up on love and being in a long term relationship again one day.  I want to continue focusing on the kids and my schooling ahead, but I trust in God's timing and what is meant to be and that He will lead me to a really good kind man. I don't want all that has been done to me to transfer into a future relationship....that I will be able to trust again. That's also why I believe therapy will be helpful. Even after the initial affair was done to me, I still gave him the benefit of the doubt these past years, and believed the things he said and still cared about him, and the damage of finding out the truth about him has run deep. And also the ways in which all of this has made me feel lesser or like I have an expiration date. No man should ever make any woman feel that way. Let alone the one you gave your whole heart, life and youth to for 30 years.

But I know the Lord knows the desires of my heart are to share life with someone again, so I don't even doubt that it will happen. And I want to be an example for my kids, that you can rise above your pain and that it's not healthy to hold onto it. To get up, heal,  and still embrace the wonderful things in life.

 One day soon I will be ready for that kind of happiness again. 💕 


















AS I LOOK AROUND THE HOUSE   

The sun keeps shining each day. It's streaming in now. It's been so nice to see and feel and that it remains light so much later now. Loving that! Also, fun to see all my Springy things and bunnies and flowers around the house. 





















CURRENTLY READING
I have started another Susan Branch book I read before, but I will dive into the pile of new books I have after that!











ON THE TV TODAY:

 Spring Baking Championship, Escape to the Chateau, the Good Doctor,New Amsterdam, Masked Singer, Greys Anatomy, the Resident, The Chase, The Hustler, Miss Scarlet and the Duke, the Unicorn, This is Us,  The Rookie, Men in Kilts: a roadtrip with Sam & Graham, When Calls the Heart




 













ON THE MENU THIS WEEK:

MONDAY - easy night? (hockey game)

TUESDAY - crepes with lemon topping and fruit, bacon

WEDNESDAY -  chili coconut curry with carrot speckled rice (HF meal)

THURSDAY - sirloin steak with roasted garlic pan sauce, mashed potatoes & broccoli (HF meal)


FRIDAY - butternut squash agnolotti with kale & sage brown butter sauce (HF meal)
















TO RELAX THIS WEEK I WILL:

be out in the sunshine, read, play cards with my Mom, zoom with gf's















FROM THE CAMERA:


































Spring has sprung, inside at least 🐰 🌸 






A neighbor bestie brought us homemade lefse last week, with sugar & ceylon cinnamon to put on top. And she just brought us some more. It's SO good!! 






I went walking with that same bestie this weekend, and then we went back to her house for coffee and I brought the treat! Homemade cinnamon, chocolate swirl bread I had made. It's really yummy 😋. The kids said they love it and it's a nice change from all the banana bread. Lol I will share the recipe this week. 







PRAYER LIST:

I pray for an end to this virus. For peace, healing and unity in our world.  I pray for anyone sick, suffering, isolated, and afraid - for their peace and comfort. Please Lord give strength to those fighting the virus on the frontlines.  🙏 And may the vaccines continue to help the numbers go down and life become more normal.  
For my family and all we're going through right now. Please heal our hearts. And please help Ad find himself again and become the father he should be for the sakes of the kids.  For all the women that are going through, or have gone through, the same kinds of betrayal and pain. I pray for their strength and grace in getting through it and for their healing out the other side. That they know they are beautiful and worthy and that they never let a man make them feel they have an expiration date.  















PRAYER, INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE OR DEVOTIONAL:



I'm linking with Sandra of Diary of a SAHM for Happy Homemaker Monday.


13 comments:

  1. oh wow! What a good career you are choosing for yourself, it will be so rewarding. Hope the therapy will help get past the hurts inflicted on you and your family. The quote is very appropriate
    I must've missed it, I thought Scott was the person you were dating?
    The rabbits in the cage and the rabbit painting are my favorite, but all is beautiful.
    Have a great week
    I really like your 'relax' list

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    1. Thanks so much Lucie! I'm really excited about a fresh start and new career path! I'm not dating Scott now. i'll share more on the blog soon. Blessings.

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  2. Wow! What a career path!! I know you will be a blessing to others. <3

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    1. Thanks so much Heather! I appreciate the support 🙏 ❤️

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  3. Congrats on your career path!! I'm still trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up!! That bunny pic is adorable!! Keeping you and your kiddos in my prayers!! Have a beautiful week!!

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    1. Thanks so much Jodi! I'm excited to dive into learning and growing in my new field. And I still say you need to open an etsy shop lady - or your own crafting store! 😉

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  4. Oh honey, it's so sad that you and the kids have had to deal with this. And as a mom, it's so hard to see your kids hurt. You have handled this all so well, in spite of how it's affected you and you should stand tall. Also, you are far from old and fat! You are beautiful and she can only hope to look that good at 49. She's jealous I think. Continued prayers for you and the kids.
    I think your plans are perfect - you would be a blessing to many people at end of life.
    Your house is looking so cute!
    Looking forward to that recipe!

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    1. Thank you so much for the support Mari! I appreciate it more than I could ever put into words. These past years have been so difficult and just when I think we really figured out a good plan for our family, than more pain hits. I absolutely believe in the better and brighter days ahead and the joy that is meant for the kids and I. I lay it all at God's feet and He is my strength always. And I'm excited about the new path I'm being led as a doula in that way. Blessings. xo

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  5. PERFECT inspiration sweetie. My heart breaks for you, but also is so happy for you and the choices you are making to move forward. Your compassionate, loving and faithful ways will make you a wonderful end of life doula. It is a difficult job and best handled by someone with your sweet personality and faith guided caring ways.

    As for the girlfriend, she is just jealous of you and everything she has done or said from taking up with a married man to being mean to you is a reflection on her and her only!

    My heart aches for Annie as a young girl. Your first heart break from a guy is NOT supposed to be caused by your father, but I know with you by her side this will be a learning experience that will make her a stronger and more compassionate woman in the years to come.

    I love your Easter decor and your temps are almost like ours, rare for you this early. I hope they stay nice for you. Have a WONDERFUL week.

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    1. Thanks so much Tamy! The support and love means so much. It has been brutal. But I lean on God's strength and I know Annie will be okay, because she always has me. 💕 And we have the most wonderful friends and family. I keep focusing on the blessings and the exciting new path ahead. Better days will come. 🙏 Blessings

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  6. (Delete if I posted twice, computer wigged out on me) Sorry I'm so late again! Continued prayers for you and your family as well as those causing all the hurt to see the wrong of their ways. So hard to watch our kids in pain. You are already amazing but I know you'll be even more amazing in your new career path. Hope your weekend is full of beautiful blessings just like you.

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    1. thank you so much Jean! I feel those prayers, so feel free to keep them coming. 😉 It has been agonizing to see the kids' pain and for them to have to see mine. I keep my focus on the amazing blessings in my life and God's goodness and the new path ahead. I know it will all be okay. Blessings. ❤️

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  7. Your new career path is perfect, Carrie! You have so much empathy and compassion to give and I know you will be such a blessing to all those that you help make the transition, and their grieving families. Good for you for seeking therapy - this is something you shouldn't feel like you have to navigate alone. And shame on that gf for saying those terrible things to you. Please never take that to heart - you are beautiful inside and out, which is something she will never be able to say. As far as having an age limit, I am 65 and I still feel beautiful because my children always tell me so :) Thank goodness your children have you in their life. This will all seem like another lifetime someday and I just know that you will find someone worthy of you that will love you the way you deserve. I left a comment on your last post, too. I am so sorry I am late in checking in on you. Sending big hugs xo Karen

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