Wordfull Wednesday: So Many Memories

 

So many memories. Sitting on shelves in various ways. Albums, loose photos, camcorder video CD's... 

There was so much pain when I split up from my ex 6 years ago. We had tried to work on things. Both of us didn't want to give up. But we eventually knew it was never going to work again. Too much damage had been done from his affair. He had lost respect in himself and I had lost respect in him. Even if I could forgive, how do you trust someone and be in love with them when you don't respect them anymore? And what about respecting myself and our daughter watching and having her know her own self worth and what she deserves in a relationship one day? It's, sadly, a common tale that I have had too many women reach out to me and share their stories through the years. Some even blogging friends. And two more instagram friends just shared recently too. When they reach out and ask me about things - I try to talk about grace, forgiveness, empowerment and self-love. And especially about how it all gets better over time. 

So, as you can understand, lots of pain and tainting of all of our old family memories had me stashing them away in cabinets and on shelves. But I've been pulling them out recently. I have my own office/craft space now. And I've been working on lots of Annie's senior class projects and things. However, pulling out some of these old family pictures/albums the other day had me realizing how far behind I was in our old family and trip albums (for obvious reasons). As I sat there looking at them, I realized how far I have come and how much life has changed. How much I've healed. How happy and secure I am in myself and my love and future marriage to Matt. And how well my kids are doing now. They both have a good relationship with their dad. They were on a recent trip with him and shared about the things that are better now, and some things they still tolerate in his life(can even poke fun at now) but overall, are in a really good place with him. They are happy well-adjusted young adults and I'm so very grateful for that. 🙏🏻💕

And the pain I used to feel when I would look at those old photos or home movies, isn't there anymore. I feel fondness towards the memories of what used to be and the almost 30 years that were truly wonderful and special. We were best friends and close from the time we were 15 years old, then started dating at 16. Married at 24 and didn't start having kids until we were 29. Had these amazing kiddos and such fun as a family. Then we almost made it to a 25th wedding anniversary and over 30 years together. That is worth something in my mind and heart now. Especially when I know it was all worth something to our children. And so for them I want to finish those albums. Let them have the gift one day of looking back and treasuring the memories of their youth and where they came from. 

And in my own way, to honor those young kids who grew up together and shared so much love and friendship once. They are a part of me forever. Just like the 2 best gifts we created in this life are a part of us both, always.

xoxo