Happy Homemaker Monday

Happy Monday Friends ~

I hope you had a wonderful weekend. 

We had a pretty special one because my sweet Annie graduated on Friday! Yay!! Such a bittersweet time. So very excited for her and watching her spread her wings...but also brings up so many memories of her birth, sweet toddler years, all her school years... I know you fellow momma's with grown kiddos knows exactly what I mean. We know we did our job right if they're excited to leave the nest and adventure into the world on their own. But it doesn't make the ache in our hearts hurt any less. 💗

We also spent time up at Ten Mile with Matt's folks! Yes, his parents came in on Sunday  and we picked them up and brought them to the lake. Another yay!! Matt's Dad has his heart tests and it turns out he's kind of a miracle of science. Lol They had reason to believe he'd have some blockages, but it turns out the plaques are on the outside of his heart and his vessels were totally clear! How crazy is that? The doc said he'd never seen anything like it. So they made their plans immediately to get out of the 108* temps and head north to the lake for the summer!! It now feels like all is right with the world. Thank you Lord for those answered prayers! I love them like my own now and I'm so grateful they're both doing so well. Thank you all for your prayers and support you've sent their way too. I'm so grateful 🙏🏻💕

THE WEATHER OUTSIDE IS:

ON THE BREAKFAST PLATE THIS MORNING:

fasted - only sugar free iced coffee

ON MY TO DO LIST THIS WEEK:

errands, home projects, doing early Father's day with my step dad this week, Ruby haircut, hospice work

THINKING ABOUT:  

Of course a lot about my sweet girl and all that is ahead. I'm so proud of her and so excited for her! 

She was gone this weekend with her dad for a shopping weekend. I think back to when we struggled with money in our early days. All the years I was with him, by his side in the hard times, helping build his world. Creating a family and loving him so much, tolerating things in his world, and taking care of his folks etc.  I watched Annie show me all of the things he bought her, the events he took her too this weekend etc.  and how much money he spends on our kids and his world (in the past it almost felt  to me like he thought he needed to buy them back). Besides that, Annie still tolerates being on trips like that with his girlfriend too - who is half his age and was the one that helped destroy our marriage and broke our family. Annie just talks in terms of the time she spend with her dad and enjoys that and she says "she's just there and it's fine" and Annie says she just focuses on her dad anyways, even if she doesn't get time with just him now. But in a way it's sad to me that she has to see this world of his that now is so hyper focused on valuing money, success and people that caused a lot of pain through the years. 

I pray always that my children won't buy into a toxic culture that's wealth driven, and gives up so easily on what matters, is focused on success and income, and values only youth, the destruction of marriage and keeping the young women that contributed to it (my former SIL and her kids tolerate this in their worlds too and she vents to me at times the same pain).  It's so sad to my heart because my ex and former BIL were once my family and meant so much to me. In other ways, though, I know how much of myself I lost in the later years with my ex because I swallowed so much of my faith for his sake (he has never believed). And I, too, bought into the material things of this world instead of being the daughter of the King I should have been - giving of myself in His name. Like I try to do daily for Him now. I now focus on what is beyond this world. And you can look at my pics and wonder if I realize this - but please know that I know how blessed I am.  I know I live in a beautiful home etc, but it will never define my life. He is the one I thank every day for these blessings. If it were gone tomorrow it wouldn't matter as long as my loved ones were okay and as long as I'm always in God's hands. I just try to be a living example for my kiddos daily. 

And I'm so grateful for Matt and all he brings to the table for our children too. He is such a healthy male influence and my kids both genuinely have shared how they love him and embrace him. He is a man of faith, understanding, patience, love, kindness, and he is so very genuine. He is thoughtful and giving in all the ways that matter. My kids vent things at time but are always kind to my ex's gf. I'm proud of that. It could have been so much easier if my ex had just found someone else more appropriate in his life and a healthier relationship. But I'm proud of our kids, and that they were able to find their way to have the relationship they need with their dad, in spite of it all. I just hate they know me so well and that deep down it still hurts who their dad values because of all he once meant to me, and all she damaged in me and took from my life with no remorse or repentance. 

However, I'm glad they see me SO JOYFUL in my life now. And that they are well adjusted and happy young adults. I have a heart of pure gratitude for that! 😊💗 I just pray for the rest and wish better for all of our sakes. 

I choose forgiveness every day and I will always want my ex to be happy.🙏🏻

AS I LOOK AROUND THE HOUSE

It's bright and sunny and I see the flowers Annie kept on the mantle Matt and I gave her for graduation with a heartfelt card we both wrote a long message to her in. :) 

CURRENTLY READING

adding some new books to my kindle

ON THE TV TODAY:

 The Good Wife (almost done ),  When Calls the Heart, America's Got Talent, HGTV and cooking shows, movies taped

ON THE MENU THIS WEEK:

    MONDAY -  french toast we didn't do last week (Aaron coming for dinner too), with peach cobbler syrup, fruit, bacon

TUESDAY - homemade pickle pizza (Annie request), salad

WEDNESDAY -  BBQ w/ Mom & step Dad burgers on the grill, corn on the cob, melon, coleslaw or pasta salad

THURSDAY - not sure?

FRIDAY -  out for dinner

  

TO RELAX THIS WEEK I WILL:

walking, outside projects

TIPS OR SOMETHING TO SHARE:

So true!!

FROM THE CAMERA:

my beautiful graduate - her gold rope means highest honors in grades 💕

and her Mom SO MANY  years ago (with gold tassle and also highest honors 😉) apple didn't fall far....

Capturing the moments after with her friends and favorite teachers. Congrats class of 2024!!

Treasured 10 mile lake time and having his folks home - yay!!

PRAYER LIST:

 For an end to the conflicts all over the world and anyone living in war & fear. For peace and unity in this country, especially from hate and shootings or violence.  For anyone sick, suffering, in pain, fear, loneliness etc ... that God bring them comfort and peace. For His Light and Love to cast out the darkness everywhere. Gratitude for the gift of family, Annie's graduation, and having Matt's folks home safe and healthy! 🙏🏻

PRAYER, INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE OR DEVOTIONAL:

If you have the gift of having your parents still with you - go hug them tight. :) 

I hope you have a very blessed week ahead. I'm sharing this with Sandra of Diary of a SAHM for Happy Homemaker Monday.

Wordfull Wednesday: So Many Memories

 

So many memories. Sitting on shelves in various ways. Albums, loose photos, camcorder video CD's... 

There was so much pain when I split up from my ex 6 years ago. We had tried to work on things. Both of us didn't want to give up. But we eventually knew it was never going to work again. Too much damage had been done from his affair. He had lost respect in himself and I had lost respect in him. Even if I could forgive, how do you trust someone and be in love with them when you don't respect them anymore? And what about respecting myself and our daughter watching and having her know her own self worth and what she deserves in a relationship one day? It's, sadly, a common tale that I have had too many women reach out to me and share their stories through the years. Some even blogging friends. And two more instagram friends just shared recently too. When they reach out and ask me about things - I try to talk about grace, forgiveness, empowerment and self-love. And especially about how it all gets better over time. 

So, as you can understand, lots of pain and tainting of all of our old family memories had me stashing them away in cabinets and on shelves. But I've been pulling them out recently. I have my own office/craft space now. And I've been working on lots of Annie's senior class projects and things. However, pulling out some of these old family pictures/albums the other day had me realizing how far behind I was in our old family and trip albums (for obvious reasons). As I sat there looking at them, I realized how far I have come and how much life has changed. How much I've healed. How happy and secure I am in myself and my love and future marriage to Matt. And how well my kids are doing now. They both have a good relationship with their dad. They were on a recent trip with him and shared about the things that are better now, and some things they still tolerate in his life(can even poke fun at now) but overall, are in a really good place with him. They are happy well-adjusted young adults and I'm so very grateful for that. 🙏🏻💕

And the pain I used to feel when I would look at those old photos or home movies, isn't there anymore. I feel fondness towards the memories of what used to be and the almost 30 years that were truly wonderful and special. We were best friends and close from the time we were 15 years old, then started dating at 16. Married at 24 and didn't start having kids until we were 29. Had these amazing kiddos and such fun as a family. Then we almost made it to a 25th wedding anniversary and over 30 years together. That is worth something in my mind and heart now. Especially when I know it was all worth something to our children. And so for them I want to finish those albums. Let them have the gift one day of looking back and treasuring the memories of their youth and where they came from. 

And in my own way, to honor those young kids who grew up together and shared so much love and friendship once. They are a part of me forever. Just like the 2 best gifts we created in this life are a part of us both, always.

xoxo

Happy Homemaker Monday

Hello and Happy Monday my dear Friends

First of all, I wanted to thank you all so much for your heartfelt words of support and the prayers you have shared....both here and behind the scenes. I have felt them all go straight to my heart and they have given me such strength and healing. ❤️  I will share a little more about things, but then I will be moving on and not giving the negativity of this topic anymore time on this space that I enjoy so much. It has felt empowering to finally share my truth (stand up for myself in a way) and to feel the warmth of love and support.

It has continued to be difficult. Especially to see the kids express their disgust and disappointment in their Dad, and continue to distance from him in many ways. That they hurt by choices that he has made over them.  I had protected them, especially Annie, for a long time and fought so hard to help Ad. But now that she is obviously aware  it's so sad to see her heart broken by a guy, when she hasn't even started dating yet. 😢 To have that guy be her Dad is incredibly hard to witness. And it's frustrating to know if he'd just made healthier choices, or had a different person in his life, this would all be different. Or that he'd even just been honest, as he still isn't owning anything about what is real in his life. I think even with himself. It is truly so sad. 

When I was worrying and caring about him and buying into his manipulations of how lonely he was and hating his life - he would also say things about how I'll never be able to help him. He has said so many times, "You can't save me. I wrecked everything and now I'm living the life I deserve".   It's all just so heartbreaking knowing he's still unhappy...but won't forgive himself enough to rise above this life he's chosen. As a recent thing Aaron saw on social media and sent me says 'A man would rather start a billion dollar company than go to therapy'  - sad but true. And now he's losing his kids more and more because of it.  They have seen messages that his gf has sent me, calling me old and fat and other mature things that I tell them amuse me and I just accept as badges of honor. I'm sure that is all a 20-something person sees when they look at 49 year old me. I've earned these wrinkles and this body creating a family with the man who was my best friend and partner for nearly 30 years. And dealing with the stress of caring for his Mom for many years and worrying about him.  And I would make the same choices all again for the blessings I have that far outweigh the pain. The saddest part is knowing Ad's current choices aren't bringing him blessings, as the kids have said they see he's still a very unhappy man. I have told them we will all just need time and reassured them that it's okay to take as much time and space as they need from their dad. I keep telling them I believe their Dad loves them and to keep praying for his healing and eyes to be opened to them. I have been doting on the kiddos, but the sweetest thing is they have been worrying so much about me. They have been extra loving and helping me around the house and snuggling me and we have had some great heart to hearts. I adore them so much, but I want to be the strong one for them. So I have started back to therapy. I saw a therapist during our marriage problems and it helped me so much to have outside perspective and guidance.  I hope taking these steps will help me find the peace I want for us all, and to find constructive ways to heal and move forward. I just keep reassuring the kids that I'm always here for them and that they will always be my priority. Ad continues to fulfill his obligations to us and I am always grateful for that. 

Thank you so much for your kindness and understanding Friends. I ask for continued prayers for peace and healing for our family. 

In the midst of all of this I have been working for some time on finding my future path. I have done a lot of research (& prayer) about where I want to focus my time and energy to serve others and I have finally found it!! I begin classes in a month! I feel absolutely called to this (thank you Lord!) and I'm so excited. I will be working to get a certification in becoming an end of life doula. I was a social worker in long term care for many years and dealt a lot with end of life. And I have volunteered for the past 3 years in hospice through a local organization, but this certification will give me even more tools to assist with easing physical pain, advocating for the patient, and counseling of family. It will also allow me to be in private practice. I feel such joy and excitement to find this path I believe is meant for me! 😊🙏 

Thank you again for generously allowing me to share my pain in these past few weeks. I believe that just like Spring to come - new life is ahead. As the saying goes "may the flowers remind us why the rain was so necessary"  

Wishing you all a wonderful week ahead 🌸 

 

 

 

THE WEATHER OUTSIDE IS:

we have been getting some great weather and it's been wonderful ☀️ 

ON THE BREAKFAST PLATE THIS MORNING

piece of lefse, fruit, coffee

HOW I AM FEELING THIS MORNING:

Feeling like the sunshine - bright and beautiful and ready to shine on the days ahead 😊 

ON MY MIND:

It may sound crazy but actually dating is because I was asked out recently.  Even though I declined, it got me thinking about not giving up on love and being in a long term relationship again one day.  I want to continue focusing on the kids and my schooling ahead, but I trust in God's timing and what is meant to be and that He will lead me to a really good kind man. I don't want all that has been done to me to transfer into a future relationship....that I will be able to trust again. That's also why I believe therapy will be helpful. Even after the initial affair was done to me, I still gave him the benefit of the doubt these past years, and believed the things he said and still cared about him, and the damage of finding out the truth about him has run deep. And also the ways in which all of this has made me feel lesser or like I have an expiration date. No man should ever make any woman feel that way. Let alone the one you gave your whole heart, life and youth to for 30 years.

But I know the Lord knows the desires of my heart are to share life with someone again, so I don't even doubt that it will happen. And I want to be an example for my kids, that you can rise above your pain and that it's not healthy to hold onto it. To get up, heal,  and still embrace the wonderful things in life.

 One day soon I will be ready for that kind of happiness again. 💕 

AS I LOOK AROUND THE HOUSE   

The sun keeps shining each day. It's streaming in now. It's been so nice to see and feel and that it remains light so much later now. Loving that! Also, fun to see all my Springy things and bunnies and flowers around the house. 

CURRENTLY READING

I have started another Susan Branch book I read before, but I will dive into the pile of new books I have after that!

ON THE TV TODAY:

 Spring Baking Championship, Escape to the Chateau, the Good Doctor,New Amsterdam, Masked Singer, Greys Anatomy, the Resident, The Chase, The Hustler, Miss Scarlet and the Duke, the Unicorn, This is Us,  The Rookie, Men in Kilts: a roadtrip with Sam & Graham, When Calls the Heart

 

ON THE MENU THIS WEEK:

MONDAY - easy night? (hockey game)

TUESDAY - crepes with lemon topping and fruit, bacon

WEDNESDAY -  chili coconut curry with carrot speckled rice (HF meal)

THURSDAY - sirloin steak with roasted garlic pan sauce, mashed potatoes & broccoli (HF meal)

FRIDAY - butternut squash agnolotti with kale & sage brown butter sauce (HF meal)

TO RELAX THIS WEEK I WILL:

be out in the sunshine, read, play cards with my Mom, zoom with gf's

FROM THE CAMERA:

Spring has sprung, inside at least 🐰 🌸 

A neighbor bestie brought us homemade lefse last week, with sugar & ceylon cinnamon to put on top. And she just brought us some more. It's SO good!! 

I went walking with that same bestie this weekend, and then we went back to her house for coffee and I brought the treat! Homemade cinnamon, chocolate swirl bread I had made. It's really yummy 😋. The kids said they love it and it's a nice change from all the banana bread. Lol I will share the recipe this week. 

PRAYER LIST:

I pray for an end to this virus. For peace, healing and unity in our world.  I pray for anyone sick, suffering, isolated, and afraid - for their peace and comfort. Please Lord give strength to those fighting the virus on the frontlines.  🙏 And may the vaccines continue to help the numbers go down and life become more normal.  

For my family and all we're going through right now. Please heal our hearts. And please help Ad find himself again and become the father he should be for the sakes of the kids.  For all the women that are going through, or have gone through, the same kinds of betrayal and pain. I pray for their strength and grace in getting through it and for their healing out the other side. That they know they are beautiful and worthy and that they never let a man make them feel they have an expiration date.  

PRAYER, INSPIRATIONAL QUOTE OR DEVOTIONAL:

I'm linking with Sandra of Diary of a SAHM for Happy Homemaker Monday.