Friday, August 21, 2015

Three Day Quote Challenge: Day 3



"I made it the mantra of those days; when I paused before yet another series of switchbacks or skidded down knee-jarring slopes, when patches of flesh peeled off my feel along with my socks, when I lay alone and lonely in my tent at night I asked, often out loud: Who is tougher than me?

The answer was always the same, and even when I knew absolutely there was no way on this earth that it was true, I said it anyway: No one. "
~Cheryl Strayed, Wild:From Lost to Found on the Pacific Crest Trail


I loved this book so much. It fascinated me when I read what it was about...how this amazing woman went through a difficult time in her life (the loss of her mother) and decided to hike the whole Pacific Crest Trail - BY HERSELF.  That just boggled my mind. How could someone be that strong and brave. She was not a hiker or someone who ever did those things, yet she decided to tackle hiking a trail that was over 2,600 miles along the whole west coast: from Mexico all the way up to Canada.  And do it alone. 


When I started reading it I also found it interesting that she was somewhat from my local area, just a little distance away. And places she mentioned at the beginning of the book were basically in my backyard. So this true story was about someone that was practically a neighbor. And I just loved Cheryl's writing.  She could say things so beautifully, sometimes so graphically, that it went straight to my heart. I know they made  movie with Rees Witherspoon, but I have yet to see it, but I plan to in the future.


Out of all this amazing writing I chose this quote as it really spoke to me in relation to my own life. I have definitely had moments of self talk like this when I have moments of adversity. I know I shared about my Annie's birth story, and how it was related to trauma I went through having my son Aaron (you can read it here.) I almost died giving birth to my son (several times) and the trauma from it has permanently affected me. I have had horrible panic attacks in my life and have had to be on meds for it in the past. But I am a person that, by nature, is more stoic about these things and I don't like to seem like I have problems or need help. I would feel on the inside like my heart is beating so fast and hard it will take off any minute right out of my chest, but on the outside I'll be nodding and smiling and talking to whomever is in front of me and they never knew what was going on underneath. It was so awful when it was bad. It has been so much better and I have other mechanisms for coping...but I can still to this day have a panic attack sneak up on me and no one would ever know it because I hide it so well on the inside. And a lot is through self talk reminding myself how tough and strong I am....so much like this quote. 

4 comments:

  1. Love this: the quote and your explanation. Totally relate to your stoicism: during all the proceedings in the High Court, the solicitor actually had a standing joke that he'd periodically pinch me to make sure I was still alive, as I simply wouldn't react to many deeply traumatic incidents that were part and parcel of that....(I sometimes wonder, actually, whether it wasn't 'stoicism' but rather trauma wounds so deep they left my soul so battered and bruised it was unable to respond or even send out signals that my body should respond). I relate so much to this post of yours.
    I enjoyed the film with Reese but it was obviously one of those films where the book's amazing and the film was never going to stand up....and I'd promised myself I'd find the book...I will do so now! [I have a crazy (but somehow doesn't seem crazy to me) desire to set off on my bike and just GO.....to wherever my legs carry me. I dream of doing it with bare bones money.....it's *at least* 15 years away yet, but I dream and dream of it....]

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    1. I feel so much better knowing I'm not alone in these feelings dear Helen. I think you're right, that sometimes the wounds are so deep that it affects response.
      The book was SO good...but now I'm curious to see the movie.
      I think we need to give ourselves big pats on the back for our continued good fight and still finding the joy in so many things.
      And someday, maybe when the Littles are older, you need to take that bike ride! xo

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  2. I am so sorry that you have had such difficult times and things to deal with. You haver to keep going and doing whatever you can and need to do in order to do that. So well done you for keeping going! I can relate to a lot of what you say here. A very good quote to bear in mind! Hugs! xx

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    1. Aw - thanks so much Amy. I truly am doing so much better than years past. And I know compared to what severe problems other folks deal with - I'm very lucky and it doesn't incapacitate me in any way. It's just my cross to bear and battle and I give myself pats on the back all the time and remind myself how strong I am. And I use my faith a lot. God has seen me through everything and is my strength.
      Blessings to you beautiful Friend. xo

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